By Tasnuva Enam
Teddy Bear And Owl Negotiation Video
The survey only accounted for bears in the heart of their range, a zone called the DMA or demographic monitoring area. That extends into upper Owl Creek, but bears live far beyond. Wyoming Game and Fish Department documented a dozen conflicts involving grizzly bears and humans and their property in the Owl Creek area in 2018. Negotiating a salary when you would be happy with the lesser amount. In these situations, the parties can negotiate so that they each win a little and lose a little. You might push a little to reach that goal, but not too hard. Collaborating (The Owl) The owl is wise and approaches situations with keen focus.
Many of us see graduate school as a way to learn and broaden our academic skills as researchers. While this is true, we may forget that the experiences we face in graduate school can also train us for managing life problems in general. Besides continuous stress and drowning in deadlines, one of the key problems graduate students face is negotiating conflict. How do you address disagreements in a diplomatic way that does not “burn the bridge” between you and a fellow student, a faculty member or even your mentor?
This article focuses on an important question for graduate students: How do you negotiate conflict with your mentor? This is important because mentors play a significant role in our lives: they provide guidance as we pursue our research and prepare our theses and dissertations, they approve our moving on to each successive stage of training, and they introduce us to other researchers.
Let’s consider a scenario in which a mentor imposes an additional task on a mentee, even when they are aware of all the responsibilities the mentee already has on their plate. This kind of situation is common and if not handled properly, can lead to some bad arguments and unfortunate experiences in graduate school.
Fortunately, the Conflict Mode Instrument Model (Johnson & Johnson, 1995; Killman & Thomas, 1977) offers five approaches to dealing with such conflict. To make them fun and interesting, each approach is associated with a stylized animal behavior. These approaches are worth considering in deciding how to respond to a conflict between graduate student and advisor.
Here are the five approaches:
Accommodating (teddy bear): Hug me
Like the teddy bear, you can try to be patient. Try your best to accommodate the other person’s need. In this approach, you attempt to maintain the friendly relationship. If you are harboring angry or negative feelings, they are bound to show up eventually — particularly because of how frequently you interact with your mentor. Therefore, sometimes the best way is to let of ill feelings and be accommodating to your mentor’s requests.
Avoiding (the turtle): Hide in your shell
For the time being, avoid the situation and the person entirely so that you avoid a clash. Come back to it later when you have cooled down to explain politely, in writing, or in person why you cannot take up additional work at this time. Or, having thought about it, just take on the additional work for the time being to avoid any conflict. This is helpful in cases when your own tasks can be delayed in order to handle your mentor’s assignment.
Compromising (the fox): Cunning and diplomatic
Simply put, both your tasks and your advisor’s work are important. So, learn to negotiate. First, break down the additional work that has been given to you and prioritize what is more important, specifically for you. For example, would reading those additional three articles and writing a report on them help you to get your name on a poster or paper? Or would running another student’s experiment give you the opportunity to collaborate on that project? Rank what is important and what can be done in a reasonable amount of time, combined with your own work. Then discuss with your advisor so that you can meet halfway. You are not entirely avoiding, rejecting or accommodating their demands but you are meeting some of those demands.
Collaborating (the owl): Wise beyond years
It may be the best to have a one-on-one talk with your advisor. For example, you can list all the school-related tasks you need to get done that week, show the list to your advisor and ask them to help you prioritize the tasks. That way, the mentor can see things from the mentee’s perspective and help develop solutions. The key goal here is clear communication and collaboration.
Competing (the shark): Eyes for you only
Basically, this means staying committed to your goals, and explaining to the advisor why you cannot fulfill their request. That should be done respectfully and only when your goals are critical (like getting your thesis completed on time). This approach should be taken only after careful thought. It may risk damaging your relationship with the advisor, but it may also serve to enhance the advisor’s respect for you.
There is no one correct style of conflict resolution. Different approaches may be needed for different situations and people. These five options are good starting points for thinking about how to deal with conflicts that many graduate students face.
References
Johnson, D.W., & Johnson, R.T. (1995). Teaching students to be peacemakers: Results of five years of research. Peace and Conflict, 1(4), 417-438.
Kilmann, R.H., & Thomas, K.W. (1977). Developing a forced-choice measure of conflict-handling behavior: The 'MODE' instrument. Educational and psychological measurement, 37(2), 309-325.
About the author
Tasnuva Enam is the cognitive science representative on the APA Science Student Council. She is currently a fourth year graduate student at the University of Alabama. Her research investigates memory, metamemory and aging.
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the opinions or policies of APA.
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How do you handle conflict?
Teddy Bear And Owl Negotiation Game
Most of us use a variety of styles depending on the person, the situation and our stress level. How we deal with our spouse at home is likely to be different than how we deal with our boss in the workplace.
Here are some brief thoughts on the strengths and struggles of the 5 styles of dealing with conflict, adapted from Johnson, 1981.
1. The Turtle: Avoidance
The strength of this style is that this person can easily look past conflicts and realizes most conflicts will solve themselves. They are calm on the outside and help de-escalate emotions in conflict.
The struggle with this style is the tendency to minimize, deny, and avoid conflict altogether. Major conflict tends to grow worse when it isn’t addressed.
2. The Teddy Bear: Accommodation
The strength of this style is how likeable and lovable this person is in most situations. How could you be mad at them? They want and need harmony. They will accept blame just to bring peace to angry situations.
The struggle of this style is that a teddy bear may be taken advantage of, becoming a doormat. The can enable others by not allowing them to face and wrestle with conflict. Secretly, they tend to have a low self-esteem and use likability from others as a way to build their own self-confidence.
3. The Shark: Competition
The strength of this style is the ability to be strong, courageous, and bring a conflict out in the open quickly. A shark is a leader that can confront bullies.
The struggles are becoming too pushy, tactless, and hurting peoples’ feelings. Sharks can escalate emotions and create barriers easily.
4. The Fox: Compromise
Their strength is communication and a willingness to find win-win or lose-lose compromises. Often the fox is able to craft intelligent intermediate solutions.
The struggles are deceptiveness and manipulation. People may feel “outfoxed” and cheated by foxes.
5. The Owl: Collaboration
The strength of this style is integrity. Owls can build trust, respect and deeper relationship. They are not tied to their way and tend to have an open mind for pragmatic solutions that create a win-win experience.
The struggle is that owls must have two willing parties to collaborate. These parties must have high levels of communication skills and emotional intelligence. Some conflicts require quick solutions and this style may take too long.
Coaching points:
- How do you cope with conflict? Are you a turtle, a teddy bear, a shark, a fox, or an owl?
- What strengths and struggles do you face in your conflict management style?
- How do your top 5 strengths from the Strength Finders 2.0 influence your conflict management style?
Brent O’Bannon helps entrepreneurs and workplaces to grow stronger, work smarter, and live richer as the world’s 1st Gallup Certified Strengths Coach at https://brentobannon.com/ and https://strengthschampion.com/ .